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by Ros on 2005 Feb 12 - 07:33 | reply to this comment
If it doesn't give you pleasure, why do it?
I don't think a woman is being a doormat if she gives up financial control or whatever if she is happy with that, I would consider her to be a doormat if she gave up control in areas she wasn't happy with. If it gave her pleasure to, say, dress in a way that her husband liked then that wouldn't be being a doormat, but if she wore clothes that she absolutely hated because he wanted her to, then I'd think of that as doormat behaviour I suppose. For instance, I wear this totally stupid underwear that my husband likes, it gives me pleasure to do this because it turns him on so much. But he'd like it if I wore mini skirts, and I'm not going to do that because honestly at my age and size I would just feel silly and it would embarrass me,not to mention being very draughty, and anyhow he doesn't mind me wearing leggings and jeans so long as they're tight.

I think giving up control is all right if it's going to make you both happier, but not otherwise. for instance, when I was in the first flush of enthusiasm for this Taken In Hand thing, I asked my husband if he wanted to take over control of our finances, and he looked absolutely horrifed "No, I do not" he said emphatically. He spends a good deal of his time working out budgets, haggling over money etc in his job, and I don't think he wants to have to bother with doing it at home as well. Now, at that time, when I was, as I say, in the first flush, it might have given me a buzz to have him take over the money and just give me an allowance or something, but it would have been a right pain for him, and now I'm jolly glad he didn't want to do it.