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I am critiquing your advice that people ignore sexual harassment, since it can lead to incidents like this going unreported. A bully who thinks he can get away with harassment due to it going unreported may repeat his or her behavior on individuals who will find the experience more hurtful than the individuals who decide not to take action.

The question of when to report sexual harassment is a complicated one. As I’ve written, what constitutes SH is debatable. One incident does not meet the standard. In the case of a child, or student, I would report that as a bullying incident. My son once had his hockey helmet filled with mayonnaise and I took that straight to the principal. Parents should be involved in any case involving a high school student.

Back to SH though – filing a claim may or may not be in the best interest of the victim. It is not without its risks, and I have personally heard accounts of women who regretted ever speaking up about it. They lost their jobs, were on the beach (not literally) while the case made its way through the court system, and in the end got a settlement that may or may not have been worth it. The point is, it’s the victim’s choice about whether to report. There are channels for that, and that is communicated to all employees.

My comment about ‘dressing slutty’ critiques your notion that women hold responsibility for the impact that their dress can have on men. If what you’re saying is true, then don’t straight men also have responsibility for the reaction their outfits can have on gay men?

This is essentially the same as the SlutWalk question. My advice to women is to never wear anything to the office that will invite the male gaze. Period. If you do that, then don’t be surprised if your invitation is accepted. The example I gave was not an office rape, it was a male’s eyes traveling to a woman’s cleavage. We’re all human beings – as Katie Roiphe points out, many of our actions are not even conscious. I would argue that it’s unfair for women to dress in a revealing way in the workplace. It’s not only distracting and potentially hazardous for men, it can’t be good for productivity. I think a strict corporate dress code is appropriate.

Honestly, I think the gay question is a red herring. The rules and the standards should apply equally to everyone. I was neither more nor less offended by the woman’s sexual overture than I was by the men’s, even though it was by far the most graphic.

 69 Dogsquat November 17, 2011 at 7:35 pm
@Tmunson

“BTW this whole “men are harassed too” is bullshit. “

I hope you reconsider your opinion. It’s not true in any female dominated environment I’ve ever worked in.