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by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Sep 12 - 20:17 | reply to this comment
Hercules, where art thou?
Wow, my personal history is almost the exact opposite. I knew from the moment I hit puberty that the only men I was really attracted to were large, muscular, macho men with a dominant streak. All my fantasies were of having a big he-man bully me around and love me and force me to worship his body. While other teenage girls were fantasizing about androgynous little teen rock idols, I was ogling Hercules and Samson in old B-movies on tv, swooning over the conquests of the mighty Conan the Barbarian, and sneaking peeks at ads for muscley bodybuilders that were in the men's magazines that my dad had. (He might have wondered about those pages getting ripped out...)

But when it came to actually dating, unfortunately, I encountered few men like that; maybe because I hung out with a geeky math and science crowd, and there were not too many of them into bodybuilding. My high school boyfriend was of average height, but strong and athletic; and when he discovered my muscle fetish he had even more reason to hit the weight room. But I still felt unsatisfied with him; even though he could bench press about 280 pounds, I deeply longed for a man who was bigger and even stronger.

In college I finally started seeing some guys who were big and muscley, and I went a little bit nuts with lust; I had no shame at all about following them around like a cat in heat, until they grabbed me and bedded me. But it was always tricky to find a man for whom I felt a strong physical attraction and also emotional and intellectual compatibility. So I ended up in a series of relationships with guys I could like and even sort of love for a few years, but who were not my physical ideal; but the relationships soon went platonic. The periods in between relationships were punctuated with my endless pursuit of the big beefy guys and trying to find one that was right for me.

It never quite happened, but I finally did have one boyfriend for a few years who was physically attractive enough to kindle my lust full-time. He was 6'2" and a football player, about 230