From Lousy Crow, 1 Year ago, written in Plain Text.
  8. by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Apr 15 - 22:14 | reply to this comment
  9. More further thoughts...
  10. First of all, I'm going to refer to my wife as "Elle". That's not her real name but it is a lot less stilted than saying "my wife" all the time.
  11. HRT may be unfashionable, but the statistical risks associated with it are still very low.
  12. It is very difficult to get a doctor to prescribe it. The knee-jerk response seems to be "you don't need that until you actually reach menopause". Unfortunately, Elle has a real problem being assertive with doctors (one of the few kinds of folks she has trouble asserting with).
  13. # 3 I suffer from [self worth issues] at times too. My husband deals with this by telling me what a competent and beautiful woman I am, and reminds me of some of my past achievements. Usually works!
  14. With Elle, this traditionally led to an argument with her finding tons of ways that I was wrong about her competence and achievements.
  15. Over the past week, I've told her that she is just going to have to respect my judgment on those matters. I've also hinted that she will be punished if she continues to argue with me and refuses to accept my judgment about it.
  17. That seemed to have a real comforting effect. In other words, she "has to" accept a compliment. It isn't her fault. It frees her from her need to argue about it.
  18. I agree that many - myself + DH included - would find corner-time and loss of privileges 'demeaning'. I guess I was grasping at straws there...
  19. Your conclusion that we have a 'greater level of inequality than (you are) trying to attain with (your) wife' is far off the mark! Our relationship, compared with many other DD couples, is very equal.
  21. I drew that inference from the notion of "withdrawal of privileges" and "corner-time" figuring that you were drawing that from your own experience.
  22. This is by choice - in fact my husband insists that he does not want me to obey him! [It dawned on me after about 15 years of frequent bickering (over emptying the dishwasher, doing the ironing and other such nonsense) that our lives would run more easily this way; funny thing is that since I let him have his way he has become so much more attentive to my needs. Go figure!]
  23. That's not surprising. It gives him room to be able to be attentive. I'm guessing that a big part of it is respecting his autonomy.
  24. Perhaps there is a middle ground for Elle and me, in the notion that *I* will decide *when* she is to defer to me versus when she has to take responsibility. That, by the way, would be *less* deferential than she wants to be.
  25. You say that your wife 'is not turned on by the eroticism of spanking. In fact, that seems to be the whole point. If she liked it, we would have to find something else'. I do not understand - why would you have to find something else? Maybe if you could find some erotic connection, the 'intimate connection' between the two of you might also be enhanced!