From Reliable Cockroach, 1 Year ago, written in Plain Text.
  8. I agree with Melanie that just announcing very matter-of-factly that you will use spanking as punishment if you feel it's called for is a good idea. It will give her time to think over her feelings on it, and may very well turn her on, while she still has the ability to prevent it by not rebelling against you.
  10. by Anna Grace on 2004 Apr 6 - 18:07 | reply to this comment
  11. In addition to what Melanie and Anna have written, I've another thought on how this could be dealt with. It's not an approach I have much experience with, but from what you wrote, I wonder if it might be of use?
  13. Choose a moment when your wife seems to be feeling calm, receptive and more than normally submissive, and when you are feeling calm. Tell her you want to talk to her, and then tell her that you are the head of the household, and therefore her leader. Not will be, not want to be, but that you are. Tell her that any leader worth their salt listens to the input of their subordinates (don't like that word much, but it'll do), and that you therefore want to know her thoughts on what is and isn't acceptable, what her limits are etc. Tell her that if she has especially strong feelings about something, then she should stress that. And tell her that you will decide what - if any - of the items she raises that you will act on. If you have to, repeat it - staying calm, strong and maybe just slightly detached, and make firm eye contact when you tell her that. Tell her you'll give her time to think about it, that you'll accept it in writing or verbally, but insist that she does it. And if she repeats any of her old arguments, ignore them - just remind her that you are the head of the household.
  15. Yes, it does rather look like you're conning her into telling you what is an isn't acceptable for her. The trick is to draw it out of her in a manner she might respond to better - by telling her you expect her to do so, and by "reassuring" her that you have the right to not act on anything she raises.
  17. Finally, I have no idea whether this is the case here, but I have on a couple of occasions used the "if I have to explain it, it's not worth it" line when I desperately want to raise something that is important to me, but I'm scared witless about the reaction it will get (usually, I'm scared I'll be laughed at or thought silly). What I actually want is for the other person to care enough to force it out of me - and ideally not to laugh at me about it. Although since our relationship moved to Taken In Hand/DD lines, I haven't really felt the need to. Or when I have, it's been stopped PDQ :)
  19. --
  21. "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Hamlet, somewhere.
  23. by ConfusedOfHomeCounties on 2004 Apr 6 - 19:10 | reply to this comment
  24. Reading her mind and going with my gut
  25. I really appreciate your comments. This has been quite helpful.